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Dear @cyclesandsex,

I had my third child six weeks ago and things feel very different down there so I braved the mirror (as I’m not afraid of my genitalia) and safe to say I feel like a hot mess! My lady parts are totaled! Just wondering if this is “normal” or if there is anything besides Kegel exercises that will help tighten things up again. BTW, coached pushing sucks and this is why I wanted to avoid a hospital birth! Right now I don’t feel attractive and, if anything, a little broken and concerned how my partner will feel about me when he sees me again.




Dear #HotMess

Congratulations on birthing another baby- you are amazing. It's easy to get our wires crossed with how we look and how we feel, and from your comment it sounds like there is both- feeling that things are not right, and then that they are not looking right. First thing that you can start NOW is steam like it's your job. Go to the @steamychick website, watch the DIY video, order the gentle herbs and steam every day for at least ten days. That will already make a massive shift in how you feel and look. The next thing is did you have stitches? If so, scar tissue can play a huge role in how things look and feel. If the answer is yes, the steaming will help, and then start to use castor oil to massage the scar. Heat and pressure along with breathing and directing your awareness to the area that you are touching will help dissolve the scar tissue and also allow for any processed emotions or even words ("stop telling me when to push, assholes") that might be left in the tissues ready to come out. The vagina is a shapeshifting sea anemone of a miracle so trust that it's malleability and also genital identity is a real thing, so this really matters!

All the best,

Kimberley Johnson

Kimberley Johnson (@magamamas) is a Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Experiencing practitioner, birth doula, postpartum care revolutionary, single mom, and author of The Fourth Trimester! For more, check out her website


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