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Dear @cyclesandsex,

I am a woman and have been with my first boyfriend for a few months now. We have sex fairly regularly and I love it. Everything he does feels amazing. The only problem is that he is yet to make me orgasm.  We have tried a few different positions but nothing seems to work.  On my own I'm fine, but as soon as he is involved, I just can't get there. How can I share the orgasmic bliss with him?




Dear #OhCumOn

That sounds so frustrating! Without more details, it’s hard to give customized advice as every body and relationship is different. However, here are some questions to consider and some common recommendations:

- What’s different when you’re with him versus on your own?
- Do you experience orgasm when he fingers you or goes down on you?
- Thinking about how you masturbate, how can you mimic that position and stimulation during partner sex?
- Do you tend to get stuck in your head more when you’re with him?

One common issue is a lack of clitoral stimulation during partner sex. If that’s the case, make sure your clit gets some loving from your hands or his, or a sex toy. You also can try positions like woman on top or Coital Alignment Technique (google it) to get more of that stimulation. For fingering, show or guide his hands to mimic the motions you use when you self-pleasure. Lastly, practicing mindfulness before and during partner sex can make a huge difference. Try a few minutes of eye contact while holding hands before. During, focus on and breathe into every sensation


Kait Scalisi, MPH. Sex and Relationship Educator

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