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Dear @cyclesandsex,

I met my partner about 2 months ago and am absolutely smitten, but we are having difficulties finding a sex position that works for us. I have a vagina, they have a penis. Whenever my partner is on top or has more control, there is too much sensitivity on their penis and they orgasm quickly. He’s been reading up on it and trying to get to the root of this (I predict it’s more of a psychological issue than physical. He’s a young and relatively healthy man). So far the only position that works for both of us is when I’m on top, which I like, but I’m very much a switch and like to be dominated in the bedroom sometimes. We’ve been talking about it a lot and we really want to work together to find new positions, but I’m at a loss. Do you have any suggestions?




Dear #LonelyAtTheTop

I love how you and your partner are looking for positions to help minimize their sensitivity! However, no matter what position you try there’s a high likelihood that whatever stimulation they’re receiving will be too much. I recommend that your partner do some exercises to get to know their “point of no return” and desensitize their penis a bit. This is something that they can work on solo and eventually apply to sex with you over time.They’ll need to masturbate with the intention of learning what the sensations are in their body as they build up to orgasm. When they get to that point if no return, they should stop all stimulation and try to hang out in that zone a bit without ejaculating. It will be a challenge at first, but they can eventually learn how to recognize when they are about to cum and build up their tolerance of that sensation and/or make adjustments in what they are doing to delay ejaculation. I recommend doing this exercise a couple times a week. As their loving partner, you can help them practice these control methods with another person!

All the best,

Myisha Battle

Myisha Battle (@myishabattle) is a certified sex coach, writer and speaker. Through sex coaching and her sex-positive podcast, Down for Whatever, Myisha provides accurate sexual information, instills pride in difference, and encourages the quest for sexual satisfaction no matter a person’s race, gender, orientation, ability or age. She empowers her clients and listeners to embrace better sex for a better life. For more information visit


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