MORE CONFIDENCE IN THE BEDROOM: ASK C+S

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Dear @cyclesandsex,

How can I be more confident with sex and my body?

Love,                                                                             

#SelfLove

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Dear #SelfLove

There are many ways to build confidence with sex and your body. Here are a few that my sex counselling clients love to do and see great results with: Spend time naked. Dance around! Relax at the end of the day! Cook (with an apron on to protect yourself)! If you’re really self-conscious, try sleeping naked and anytime you notice negative thoughts arise, focus on sensation like the sheets or wind on your skin. Go on a media diet. Ditch any and all media - social or otherwise - that makes you feel bad about sex life or body or promotes unhealthy & unrealistic approaches to sex and body image. Yes, even if it’s a friend you love. Next, follow brands & influencers that have real talk about body positivity and sex. Some of my faves are @sassy_latte, @glitterandlazers, @goofy_ginger, and @goddesscecilia. Aim for imperfection. Think: body acknowledgment instead of body love and sex acceptance instead of confidence. For most of us, change happens incrementally. This helps set you up for success and builds confidence along the way, instead of seeing it as some end goal. Try this writing exercise. Draw a line down a sheet of paper. On the left side, write down negative thoughts you have about sex and your body. On the right side, write down a teeeeeny change to this thought. For example, for “I hate my body” try “I have a body.” VOILA your first set of affirmations. As your thoughts, feelings, and actions shift, redo the exercise for the next “level” of affirmations, maybe “I’m ok with my body most days.”

All the best,

Kait Scalisi, MPH

(@passionbykait) is a sex educator who helps womxn find #freedominpleasure with fun + practical tips to create a sex life that's as intimate, exciting, & fulfilling as the rest of their relationship. Get in touch on Facebook, Insta, or Twitter @PassionbyKait or at passionbykait.com.

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