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Dear @cyclesandsex,

I (a lesbian) met a bi girl recently who is in an open relationship with her boyfriend and exclusively sleeps with him and then has casual sex with women. I’ve been tested and am A-Okay and will ask her about herself, but how safe is this really?

Sincerely,                                                                  #casualsexcurious


Dear #casualsexcurious, ⠀

The more partners you add into the mix, the more your chances of getting an unwanted sexually transmitted infection rise. That being said, communication and protection are key for keeping all parties involved safe. I’m glad to hear that you’re keeping up to date on your own STI testing but it’s important for your new partner and her boyfriend to practice this also. Having the conversation about testing and protection can be difficult but it’s vital to keeping yourself safe. ⠀

Most partners in open relationships tend to have lengthy discussions about rules and boundaries and this includes use of protection. Ask your new partner if her boyfriend uses protections with his play partners and if they use it when together. It does require you to trust this answer and the boyfriend’s promise to uphold his end of the bargain. ⠀

If you’re still unsure, explore the option of a ‘female’ condom or dental dam during sexy times. It is perfectly OK for you to request using protection, even if your new partner doesn’t see it as a priority. This is about your wellbeing and peace of mind! And remember, certain STIs can be transmitted orally and while sharing sex toys. Hope that helps!


Amy Boyajian

Former dominatrix and founder of Wild Flower,  an all-inclusive, online sexual wellness boutique created as an organic retaliation to the unethical and discriminatory practices in the sex and pleasure industries.⠀

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