animation (11).gif

Dear @cyclesandsex,

I started having sex with a guy that I’m very attracted to but I’m not wet for that long and his penis hurts me when it goes in fully. I think his penis is shaped in a way that bends forward when he has an erection. I really want to make it better so that I can actually have an orgasm with him. Any thoughts?

Sincerely,                                                                              #attractedbutnotfeelingit


Dear #attractedbutnotfeelingit, ⠀

The mechanics of sex can be tricky, but if you are prepared to provide your partner with a little guidance, I know you can both increase your pleasure! First, try prolonging foreplay. This can help with arousal and allow you to lubricate more fully before penetrative sex. Oral sex is great for this because you get the mixture of your own lubrication and his saliva. This may be enough to ease penetration. If not, another approach you can take is to focus on shallow penetration rather than deep.⠀

For male partners whose penises curve upward, this will actually help you both to increase pleasure in positions where he is on top. Within the first couple of inches on the roof of your vagina is your Skene's gland which is responsible for female ejaculation. Have you ever seen a dildo that's curved? That's because it was designed specifically with this type of stimulation in mind. There's a lot of arousal potential there for women and for the guy there's a lot of sensitivity in the tip of his penis so going shallow is definitely the way to go! Finish with a few deeper thrusts if that feels good to you and you both should be blissfully happy.

Sincerely,                                                                              Myisha Battle

Certified sex coach, writer and speaker and host of the sex-positive podcast, Down for Whatever.

Have a question you want answered? Email us!